i slept so hard this past night that i can't remember my
dreams. upon waking I soon remembered what had been
holding my attention prior to my slumbers: flight.
leaving, escape, change all things which i think about
more often than not. how to get out from under, how to
get out from under the spell of complacency, comfortability,
normalcy. with each move i feel the grip of routine loosening
and so if that's what i truly want, i think that my feet are
heading in the right direction again.
i hit a bump in the road two weeks ago. i hit a wall with my
cell phone too. now that the swelling of my heart has subsided,
i'm seeing more clearly and starting again to feel that
there is a place for me out there. having arms to be held in
are nice, but it's more important that i hold it together on my
own. that's not something that can be seen easily when you're
in a lover's fog. in trying to be honest with the man that
i was seeing, i began lying to myself in an effort to "make it work".
no one could have told me one way or the other what to do,
i wouldn't have listened. i would have felt emboldened to continue,
to make the relationship a success to all who saw it,
but the internal temperature of it all was quickly sinking.
so, here i stand today, in an open field of possibilities,
just as i did on the hill in this picture last summer.
i'm ready to move, i'm all the more ready to move on
from all of this without feeling like a sad sap.
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