fall is here. i smell its onslaught in this humid air. and with the cooling down of the weather comes the flames of heartaches, sleepless nights and the desire to be in someone's arms. it's hard to take on such a reality when the one you want can not come out of their shell. i go through the motions---walking on air, fire beneath my feet, heart palpitations, clumsy hands. the longing, the pining, the words which go unspoken, the looks from across the room. the wonder that comes with each sighting. screaming "it's not fair!", whispering in his ear, laughing. wondering if it's real, if the potential i see is actually there. and when people say it can not be, it makes me want it even more. i want to turn the tables in our favor and swim against the tide together. i hope for real love in this loveless city. i want to find a sliver of integrity within the dregs of this deceit..
