cucumber

looking into your eyes.

i feel trapped in a web,

vulnerable to your advances.

so i look towards the floor

or wear sunglasses.

the flesh of your neck so nice

the last time we said goodbye.

your hands on my face.

a dream? a lie?

breakfast, waking up

next to each other, when?

i'll believe you until it doesn't happen.

playing it cool aint easy, but tomorrow i'm gonna try.

i want it to work out in my favor this time tomorrow.

is that too much to ask?

could be my treat

duck boots quacking, i stumbled home in the rain. my mind flashes back to moments before: dancing against a wall, pressing our mouths together,running down the street hand in hand.

wrapped in a gray sweater, umbrella exploded, my skin is cold, but my lips are still warm, my tongue is still hot with the taste of your breath.

days pass. was it a dream or a dream come true? your skin, tight as a drum under my touch never felt so fantastic.

time is short and moments such as these are few.

***

timing. it seems that it's never in our control when/how things come to be. when you're not thinking about something, it happens. when you're about to make moves you reach an obstacle. or sometimes you make yourself wait only to miss the moment completely. so i say to timing, "get tossed!". carpe diem everyday, today, while you read this post. if the ambition exists, that's the time to do it. i think that we can have it all, we just gotta reach out and grab it.

deal with it!

my problem is that i can't read people. if someone is old, i think that they're young. if someone is straight, i think that they're gay. if someone is cool, i soon find out that they are not. so it goes with me. i'm a bad judge of character. it would be beneficial to me if it were the other way, but so it goes and i can't trust nobody. not alone, not without another person's validation ,i can use my discretion when it comes to work, but when it comes to people, especially inviting people into my life; i'm unreliable.

you think that you know someone!

you think to yourself: "this person is very attractive to me in one way or the other..." and you don't know how to direct your feelings. part of you wants to kiss them on the mouth and just gratify oneself in that alone. another part of you wants to hold that person in your arms while they divulge every intimate detail of their life to you. ...

great migration

i slept so hard this past night that i can't remember my

dreams. upon waking I soon remembered what had been

holding my attention prior to my slumbers: flight.

leaving, escape, change all things which i think about

more often than not. how to get out from under, how to

get out from under the spell of complacency, comfortability,

normalcy. with each move i feel the grip of routine loosening

and so if that's what i truly want, i think that my feet are

heading in the right direction again.

i hit a bump in the road two weeks ago. i hit a wall with my

cell phone too. now that the swelling of my heart has subsided,

i'm seeing more clearly and starting again to feel that

there is a place for me out there. having arms to be held in

are nice, but it's more important that i hold it together on my

own. that's not something that can be seen easily when you're

in a lover's fog. in trying to be honest with the man that

i was seeing, i began lying to myself in an effort to "make it work".

no one could have told me one way or the other what to do,

i wouldn't have listened. i would have felt emboldened to continue,

to make the relationship a success to all who saw it,

but the internal temperature of it all was quickly sinking.

so, here i stand today, in an open field of possibilities,

just as i did on the hill in this picture last summer.

i'm ready to move, i'm all the more ready to move on

from all of this without feeling like a sad sap.